So it’s been a while…

My apologies (not really) but I just cleaned my desk enough to put my laptop back on a desk, so I’ve been using my laptop more frequently (mainly gaming…)

Anyway. I’m also excited to get back to WordPress because my favorite blogger Xiaxue is moving to WordPress *-*… When I first decided to make a blog (after the xanga craze in which I had like 5 different blogs and got into HTML web design), I made a Blogspot, but from her recent post, she’s moving to WordPress!

It’s kind of funny because when I made one for my New Year’s resolutions last year, my boyfriend told me WordPress is better, so I was a little conflicted on which to choose… Boyfriend > Xiaxue on blogspot for almost 10 years…? I chose the WordPress and my blogspot has just been empty.

SPEAKING OF NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS. It’s now been 28 days since I’ve started dieting (again)… and I’ve so far went from 150lbs to 144.4 this morning.

It’s not unhealthy to lose 5.6 pounds in exactly 4 weeks. That’s less than 1.5 pounds a week. Which is usually recommended for safe weight loss. (5.6 pounds lost in 1 week would be unhealthy). And if you think about it, 5.5 is only about 4% of my total body weight lost… when my goal is 10% lost, which would put me at 135lbs, because 133 is the bare minimum for my height and weight to be considered “healthy.” Ideally I’d like to weigh around 115-120, but 135 must be reached before 115 lol.

It’s actually coincidentally I started blogging right on the 1 month point lol.

I haven’t been counting calories, I’ve been just eating at home everyday and drinking shit tons of water. And already almost 6 pounds are lost. Smh fast food is so bad for you.

I wanted to cut out carbs, but I feel like I’m constantly hungry since my diet consists mainly of carbs (rice, pastas, noodles, etc.) And I tend to crave sugar more. This is because carbohydrates turn into sugar, so with my lack of carbs, I am lacking sugars. Because the body needs carbs + sugars to make energy, I’m eating mainly fats, which well, turn into fats.

It’s a complicated process, but I have found my weight loss has been better WITH fewer carbs than with no carbs.

Anyway. I have not seen any major improvements in my appearance other than my waist starting to become more hourglass and my chin/jaw line is becoming more defined. My legs and arms are still fat, so makes them look even bigger ;_;. I think this is because I am not exercising. I want to lose more weight before I try to torture my body again (when you run, double your weight is put on your joints). So when I tried to go back into jogging at 150lbs, I was putting 300lbs on my already weak joints and developed another foot problem = A=…

I’m also trying to lose weight while on Winter session since my schedule now is perfect…Wake up at 9:30, go to class at 10:30, get off at 12:30, eat at 1, relax, work from 3:30-8. It’s so nice. Next spring semester is going to kill me…

But in that 9:30-12:30 period, I drink up to 3 cups of water (and splurge with coffee every other or every two days).

I skip breakfast because when I wake up, if I eat breakfast immediately, I will get sick. So I wait a couple hours or, until when I am hungry. A lot of people gain weight because they eat when the clock says so, not when they are beginning to get hungry. It’s nice to eat when you’re hungry when your family eats, but if you must eat, stop when you are full; don’t eat the full course meal just cause your family is… In Asian cultures I think this is kind of considered rude, but just eat smaller portions.

Being overweight is my life.

I’m sorry for the depressing posts lately.

I never thought I was fat. Ever. But since my childhood I was always considered obeese, overweight, chubby, husky, you name it.

I was born a normal weight, 7lbs and a few ounces, but even still I’ve always had extra flub everywhere, which I guess would be considered “healthy” as opposed to underfed. Both my parents are not fat, but they also fall into the category of being overweight/obese because of their height and weight. Before I last saw my dad he was still categorized into obese because he was building muscle and even though he lost a significant amount of weight, his body fat percentage was low, but weight was high. My mom is slightly overweight but if she lost 10 pounds or so she’d be in the middle of the healthy weight range. Both my parents are short. My dad is around 5’4″-5’5″ and my mom is 4’11” so I’m inbetween at 5’1″.

Around the time I was 7 I was supposedly obese according to my height and weight. This is a photo:

I lived my entire life being ridiculed for being fat. Do I even look like a victim of childhood obesity?! It feels like I was always on a diet and always trying to maintain a healthy weight, but for me it was so hard to be how my doctor and everyone else wanted me to be.

I was bullied almost every single day in elementary school and middle school. When I was in high school for having foot surgery it was rumored I was pregnant. However if you ask anyone, I was always described as nice, kind, quiet, I wouldn’t hurt anyone with mean words, yet this was before the whole antibullying action was taking place. When I was 5 years old I had thoughts of killing myself. My parents were divorced and school was the worst experience of my life. At the time I didn’t know how to or what suicide was, all I knew is that I just didn’t want to live anymore and I wish I would die in my sleep. It wasn’t until I was 13 after my first attempt to overdose that attention was brought to my depression, but that’s another story.

Being overweight has hurt me physically in more ways than self-image.

There are several health problems I’ve had that have been as a result of being overweight/obese or as an added or minor attributing problems… I’m not talking about high blood pressure or high cholesterol. I have low blood pressure and a healthy cholesterol.

^ This picture of me is when I’m 12 years old while I was still able to walk and I was around 105-110lbs and I’m considered overweight. I wore a size 1-3 dress and 00-3 pants. No one wants to be told their overweight, yet the doctors never said I was only 5 lbs from being “healthy” so of course my mom and I obsessed over my weight…

^ Now I am 150lbs and wearing a size 7-9 dress and 3-4 pants. I’ve maintained this weight for about a year and I’ve fluctuated between 145-150. I’m 20-50lbs over the healthy weight range. I would love to see the day I weighed myself and I was actually considered “healthy” and no one would call me fat or look at me when I eat.

Why does beauty have to be in numbers?

Argh =_=

Of course here is my last resort when I have a 10 page paper and the only thing I’ve done is put my name on it…

My head is so full of things I have to do and things that have been happening lately so I’m too scrambled to write about Anthropology. I’m so tired of monkeys and apes and homo hablis afarensis’…

Recently I was diagnosed with Plantar Faciitis which seemed to come out of the blue. It might have been work related, because I stand from 4.5-6 hours straight, but I highly doubt it because I’ve now been working there for a year and it came on around 9 months of working there… Another possible explanation is that I started going to the gym to lose weight, ironic right -_-? But the bottom line is that it is weight-related.

I have increased femoral anteversion, rigid pes planus, hypermobility disorder (possibly ehlers danlos syndrome) all congenital. I have some other health problems too. about 2/3 of my left breast was removed because I had a possibly cancerous lump. I lost all of my ability to walk when I was 13 and I need crutches for about 1/4 of my life. During this time I was also going through a lot of family troubles (I’m not exaggerating here with teenage angst)*, and I had clinical depression and anxiety and was also being treated for that (again ironic, because a lot of this depression was coming from watching my body image go down the drain). All of this was before I was 16 years old. In total, I’ve had 11 surgeries. 8 were foot surgeries.

*When I was 14, my father and I had completely cut off each other. He disowned me. At this time it was a rumor in my family that he had a $1,000,000 life insurance policy on me and I feared for my life because I was in the hospital for almost dying (unrelated to him) but it was still deathly-frightening. no pun intended.

I’m not asking for sympathy, but I do not feel any remorse for people who say they want to lose weight because their bmi is 25+ because they have over indulged themselves and they have lived a somewhat average life (average includes all the stress that people face too). I had to slowly watch body become deformed as I put on the weight from losing my ability to walk. There’s only so much weight you can lose from flexing your ankle in 10 circles with 3 repetitions.
The highest my Body Mass Index was when I was 16 and it was BMI 31.2 (165lbs). I am now at BMI 28.3 (150lbs), but again my exercise has halted and I’m afraid it will crawl back up. I’ve been searching for ways on losing weight, however, weight loss is the combination of exercise and healthy eating. I have been looking into a lot of diet pills, however the one I have been researching currently, apparently requires a prescription from your doctor. But doctors don’t realize taking a 3-month course of diet pills will not kill my liver/heart/health as badly as taking Oxycontin and Vicodin for the rest of my life. Especially because I do not already have diabetes, heart disease, or any liver or kidney diseases. And I no longer take those powerful pain killers even though I so desperately want to be pain free. The minimum age for diet pills is 18, which I am currently, but that obviously didn’t cross their brains when they were drugging me up after my surgery when I was 14. Even then my surgery was very risky because of my height-to-weight ratio in my anesthesia was NOT good for my age and size. I SHOULD be around 100~130lbs.

Carry a 50lb bag of rice or dog food or something all day and see how you feel and how your feet are doing.Try going up the stairs. Try going down the stairs. Try walking uphill and downhill. Try running. Do everything you normally would carrying this extra 50lbs with you and see how awesome you feel.

Does anyone else see it this way?

Edit:

After I posted this I realize that of course they don’t want a 3-month solution, they want one that will last me the rest of my life because they also have mouths to feed in their homes. I just think its so unfair because this has happened while I was so young and it has ruined my childhood and adolescence beyond means. What should be the best years of my life were actually the worse. Instead of lining their pockets with my mom’s insurance or with anything that comes out of pocket, I just wish at least one doctor would be selfless enough to at least HEAR my words after I say “diet pill” instead of cutting me off. I don’t want a diet pill. I want an appetite suppressor, but that falls under diet pill. I don’t want a quick fix. I want something to help me change my lifestyle because I do know one of these days I’m going to lose my ability to walk for good. When that time comes I want to at least be happy in the time I’ve lived before it.

What a productive day >_< part 1

So I got a lot done today (except maybe studying lol…) well I did some studying, but that was this morning and by now I’ve forgotten a lot of it… Um. Anyways onto my day, because it’s nice to look back on a good day that night.

Aside from the glares from the grannies I got at the lab where I took my blood (maybe I shouldn’t have gone in with my backpack…), I went to Starbucks after because I had a good hour an a half to kill before class, again more “you should be in school young man” looks. Weird because I saw 2 of my teachers, but they didn’t see me. I got a grande iced caramel macchiato and bacon artisan sandwich <3. Then I went to class, then that’s pretty much it for the morning…

I went to the mall to pick up two things I’ve been anxious to try now that I’ve been trying to get back in shape.

On the right is Bath&Body Works True Blue “Bring Up the Rear” anti-cellulite firming lotion with blue green algae (that means it’s green algae that’s blue). I’ve tried this lotion before (3-4 years ago maybe) and I felt the results didn’t work too good, probably because I didn’t have much to work with because I weighed less. It’s a baby blue color, before it was a darker blue, and it has a very strong scent. At first it smells like rubbing alcohol (it always has) then it has this apple-like smell. It’s nice and cooling and somewhat tingly. I use it on my legs (especially inner thighs), upper arms, stomach, and cheeks/chin. This lotion is meant to be used all over the body, wherever needed, “at first twice a day, then as necessary to maintain results.”

Best case scenario: My flabby thighs and arms goes away and my stomach flattens while reducing stretch marks I have.

Worst case scenario: I’ll be left with soft skin (oh darn) because it’s a lotion around the same price as lotion from Victoria’s Secret or any other Bath & Body lotion.

On the left, I’ve never tried before, is Bliss’ fatgirlslim Love Handler and it was on sale for $18! On the box it says, “liquid workout for lazy abdominals, with 8 hour release caffeine + energizing amino acids,” however on the bottle it’s slightly different because it says, “liquid workout for lazy abdominals, with caffeine and lipid-release boosters” lol. The instructions say to use a silver dollar sized amount and to rub it in for 20-30 seconds and it even warns back fat to beware, lol! This also has a strong rubbing alcohol-like smell, but after rubbing it in, it smells more pleasant. I used the silver dollar sized amount on my love-handles especially and my tummy. I also used a dime-size on my inner thighs and upper arms.

Best case scenario: It helps rid me of my love handles which I’ve been cursed of because they run in the family.

Worst case scenario: Nothing happens and I’m out $18 😦

Both should show results in 4-6 weeks, so see my results then >_<

By now you’re probably thinking I’m some obese fat lard. Well, while that maybe be true by numbers (My BMI is scarily high for how short I am…) I’ve lost 20 pounds the last 2 years, which I used to be obese, now I’m just “overweight,” but seriously, I don’t really look THAT fat… I actually think I look skinnier (except maybe my face) than than I do now =_=. On the right I’m wearing size 1 pants and rocking my muffin top lol.

Obese and size 1. Right.

Part 2 tomorrow ! Sorry for such a long post, I’m sure you skipped the beginning just to read the review XD;

———-edit———-

I realized I spelled obese wrong in the picture LOL sorry XD;